Knackered

When I woke up not too long ago maybe about an hour and a half ago I was completely knackered. I hate that feeling. Nice way to start the day, eh? I have been contemplating fatigue and how it plays a major role in my life. I haven't really thought about it too much before since I have been living with such low energy for so many years I have almost gotten used to it. I have almost accepted that it is my lot in life, almost. Do I feel like I deserve it? Could I blame it on my erratic sleep and poor diet? Sure. Has tiredness affected my mood or my mood affected my energy level? Where did this all start?

The reason I have been thinking about fatigue is because I just recently checked out a book from my local Hackney public library entitled "How to Beat Fatigue with Yoga". At this moment it is buried in the mess that is the floor of my room. No surprise there, but it can't hide for long. I actually want to read it and my room is the size of a cigar box. I couple of weeks before I was searching the online database of the yoga books available at my boroughs library. I came upon this one and the title really spoke to me. See, my mom suggested awhile back that I should start to do yoga, again, which would help with a lot of things. I have done yoga before and I liked it immensely. I like the stretching and overall wellbeing that envelops me after a yoga class. It suits me. I can't really afford yoga right now I barely have enough to live in this incredibly expensive city of London. I can however check out a book and do postures at home. Not in my room of course since, well, it is the size of a breadbox. Maybe I can practice downstairs in the living room or in Jonas's new big room. The book that I got is not one of those picture books. There is a lot of text to sift through, all be it valuable info about reasons why people have fatigue what yoga is about where it came from and how it can give you boundless renewable energy. I could skip to the postures but I wouldn't understand what each posture is good for. I think it would benefit me to actually read this book cover to cover even though I have only a couple of weeks till the end of the semester and I have lots to do since, no surprise, I have been procrastinating with my coursework. Maybe my energy level is part of the reason I put things off.

How different would my life be if I had boundless energy? Would it change my outlook on life? Is addressing this fatigue thing the key to barreling through the block I have had to get on with my life the way I want it? It’s worth a try, isn't it? This last stretch to a Bachelors degree has been very hard for me. It doesn't help that I'm spending my last year in another country with an educational system that is not only completely different than I'm used to but NOT conducive to my way of learning. It seems I need to overcome a lot of well-seasoned fears, and change my perception of myself and my life just to get the damn paper that says I have successfully completed 4 years of undergraduate work (in 14 years time!). Perhaps this is a good thing, in the long run. Crazy thing is I want to go to Grad school. If it is this hard for me to get a bachelors am I crazy for thinking that I can get a masters?